you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
God I need to hump something, right now.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
