Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
