Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
