They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
