Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
