If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
