I will die if light touches me.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
