At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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