Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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