The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
