A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
