Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
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