There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
