Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
