this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
