you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
this just has baby written all over it
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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