Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
if only i could text you this smell
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
