On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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