they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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