She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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