i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I could fuck to npr.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
