just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
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