I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
