I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Randomize
