He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize
