i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
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I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
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I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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