At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
No subtext here. People are naked.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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