So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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