So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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