I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
