You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
