Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
