Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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