my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
