I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Randomize
