In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
