Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
