don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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