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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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