Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
