You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
