She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Houston, we have a blender
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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