I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
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