mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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