how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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