Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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