I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
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