Got a toothbrush?
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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