I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
