What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Randomize
