why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
