When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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