Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
