some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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