That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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