Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
