Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Small penises have feelings too.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
