If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize