she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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