I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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