Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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