There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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