take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
