Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
