3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
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