I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
