so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
