Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
