just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
