Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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