before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Randomize
