I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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