ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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