i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
